i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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