So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
