ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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