remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
