Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
