***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
