I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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