Non-Jews are for practice
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
