just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
