If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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