He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
