How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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