If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
