so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
