When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
