he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
