I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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