yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my phone needs a breathalizer
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
