I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
