Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
