What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
