So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
