Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
