he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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