I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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