feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
