Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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