God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
