she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
