Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
