and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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