My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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