it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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