There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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