clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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