so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
