I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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