im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
