i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize