He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
