Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
