I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
this hospital has no fireball
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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