Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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