So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The uberlube is also flammable
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
