Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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