whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
