I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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