So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i think i just lost a toe
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
