just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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