i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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