It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
