I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
